In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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