don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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