Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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