if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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