the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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