I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
