dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How's work?
Spinning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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