ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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