therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
