god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
