bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
