the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
