so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
