I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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