Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
