Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
