you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
