I am in a vortex of obligation.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
