We named our party play list daddy issues
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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