Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
