even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
