I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This toilet bowl is my home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
