I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
