sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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