Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
