i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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