apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
