So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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