Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
