Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
