Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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