so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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