so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize