My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
