I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
