So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
