no, he came in my armpit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
