If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
