great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
