Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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