I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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