some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
