it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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