i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
