When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
