Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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