i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
