he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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