you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
