im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
