You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
