We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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