I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
