She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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