he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
