for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
