you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
