his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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