Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
