i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
