Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
