You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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