my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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