Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize