I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
