He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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