the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
