Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
