i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize