I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
