if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
